Mike, an alcoholic, staggered into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked up to her and gave her a kiss. She jumped up and slapped him really hard. Mike immediately apologised and explained, “Look, I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she bellowed at the top of her voice. “Funny,” Mike muttered, shaking his head, “you even sound exactly like her.”